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Monday
Nov242008

High School Musical 3: Senior Year

Disney is synonymous for coming up with stupid fads starring poor actors and actresses and somehow marketing it to the teen and college sorority crowd. Being a college student myself, I was shocked to see that so many of my fellow students were practically obsessed with Hannah Montana and High School Musical. I've witnessed a small portion of the train wreck that is Miley Cyrus playing the titular character, but I've never seen the High School Musical films. I decided that I wanted to see what all the fuss was about so I ventured out to the theater to see this. With that said, I know I am not the demographic for this film and having not seen the original two, my opinion might not mean much, but here it is. High School Musical 3: Senior Year is largely unwatchable, intensely ridiculous, and stupefyingly dumb.

I hate movies set in high school. Most of them are absolutely nothing like what an actual high school is like. Just as I got a glamorized vision of what college would be like through films like Van Wilder, younger audiences are getting a false representation of the experiences they will get in high school. I don't know about you, but my high school was smelly, isolated, and overcrowded to the point where you couldn't even navigate your way through the hallways. The school in High School Musical 3 has more students attending sporting events than actual classes and they have what is essentially a greenhouse on the roof. Seriously. What kind of school has plants on their roof? Furthermore, what kind of school makes the rooftop accessible to students?

But that's only a minor quibble in the big scheme of things. The film has two big problems: it tries way too hard to be cool and the musical numbers were awkward. The story is a typical high school story about love and moving on to college while trying to stay close to your friends, but there's a catch. The guys in this movie play basketball. Rad dude! Just like a complete dork I knew in high school, they always carry that ball around as if it's attached to them because everybody knows that to be cool, you must be a jock.

Troy, played by Zac Efron, is the leader of the group and one of the popular kids in school. It's easy to tell because he wears a bandana around his head. What a bad ass! God knows I wouldn't want to mess with a kid who feigns strength and carries a hipster attitude by wearing a bandana. That's just too much for my timid, un-cool, dork-like persona. Have mercy on me Zac Efron, you dreamy piece of teenage girl fantasy meat! Honestly, I'm surprised they didn't start chugging Mountain Dew, snowboarding, or doing anything else that showed them as x-treme 2 the max.

In relation, the basketball team is largely unconvincing (especially when they broke out in song in the middle of the game), which is a major dilemma because this high school (imaginatively named East High) is supposed to be back to back state champions. If that basketball team is back to back champions, then I'm Rambo. Wouldn't that be awesome? Rambo's a legend. Remember that time he shot that dude? That was sweet! Speaking of shots, I wonder if I'm up to date with my health. I've been feeling kind of weak lately and I'm afraid I'm coming down with a virus, like my friend's computer. Seriously, my buddy was looking at risqué photos online and downloaded a virus. What a loser.

That little tangent was pretty much what my thoughts were like during this whole movie. I just stopped paying attention and began daydreaming or talking to myself in my head. Sure, that's kind of mental, but I'd rather listen to myself than listen to the bozos on screen. I perked up when a musical number came around, but even then it was only to see to what extent the actors and actresses were willing to embarrass themselves. Although I do admit that a song or two was quite catchy, I felt uneasy more often than not. There is a song featuring Ashley Tisdale where she is singing about how she wants everything in life. The tune featured heavy breathing along with the lyrics "I want it" while she provocatively thrusted her hips while wearing skimpy clothing. In actuality, she is 23 years old, but I couldn't help but sense a weird pedophilia vibe coming through. Am I supposed to enjoy what is supposed to be underage girls trying to act sexy? It was a bit much.

Still, the movie is relatively harmless and I suppose kids will enjoy it, but boy was this a tedious film to sit through as an adult. The fact that this franchise has actually become a cultural phenomenon (among older folks as well) says a lot about how low our standards have become. The film sports poor performances, ridiculous scenarios, and cringe inducing high school drama BS that we've seen in countless other films. Don't get me wrong. I like musicals, but only when they are done right. Unfortunately, High School Musical 3: Senior Year fails. If there is any justice in the world, this will be the last entry in this fledgling franchise and our children can enjoy something a little less idiotic.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year receives 1.5/5

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