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Entries in Twilight (12)

Thursday
Aug222013

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

With the “Twilight” franchise having finally and mercifully come to an end, it’s no surprise that Hollywood is eager to find something to take its place. The latest tween movie based on an existing novel with multiple entries in its canon is this week’s “The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones.” While it could be argued that this first movie is somewhat of a gamble, the series has six books under its belt and if it proves to be a success, it could be the next lucrative, never ending franchise we’ll be forced to sit through every year until it ultimately dies. “Harry Potter” and “The Hunger Games” notwithstanding, most tween novel adaptations are poorly made and fail at the box office, rarely resulting in a sequel. If we’re lucky, this one will fail too and our cinemas will be saved from further ridiculous, overemotional melodramas.

The story follows Clary (Lily Collins), a pretty young girl whose best friend in the world, Simon (Robert Sheehan), is secretly crushing on her. One night, while out at a club, she witnesses a murder. However, the murderer soon catches up with her and explains that it was hardly a murder at all. His name is Jace (Jamie Campbell Bower) and he’s actually a Shadow Hunter, a person who hunts and kills demons of all kinds. She soon finds out that her mother, Jocelyn (Lena Headey), is also a Shadow Hunter, but she finds it out too late and is unable to protect her when she is kidnapped by a gang looking for a mystical cup that they believe is in her possession. Along with the help of Jace, Clary sets out to find the cup and get her mother back.

Naturally, a love triangle ensues, as is seemingly common with these types of things. Simon is in love with Clary, but Clary and Jace eventually hit it off, which leads to Simon witnessing them kissing, Clary making excuses and Jace storming off in a fit of rage, bemoaning that she is “dismissing their love,” partly due to the excuse and partly because she won’t invite him into her bed after a single kiss. What a swell guy. This is, quite literally, “Twilight” all over again, though the movie doesn’t seem to want to admit it. At one point, after Clary hurts herself and is bleeding slightly, she even mocks the franchise by commenting, “Is this the part where you start tearing off pieces of clothing to bind my wounds?” This is no doubt a reference to “New Moon” when Jacob hilariously and egregiously rips off his entire shirt to tend to Bella’s minor scrape.

While these moments are nevertheless amusing, they’re offset by lines of dialogue mere minutes later, lines that read like one of those idiotic words-of-wisdom memes so many wannabe prophets post on Facebook day after day, things along the lines of “The rune to fix a broken heart is the most painful one.” So while it creates some initial goodwill with some self-aware quips, it quickly becomes ignorant of just how closely it resembles the very things it mocks. In a nutshell, the film points out the flaws of something like “Twilight” while succumbing to the exact same problems, never aspiring to become anything better.

If it had a story worth caring about, these tween clichés would be easy to look past, but the script is an absolute mess. While the central story is certainly lacking, it’s in its side stories that the film truly drops the ball, never fully concluding any of them despite their initial set-ups. At one point, Simon is kidnapped by vampires and bitten, Clary finding the bite wounds shortly after rescuing him, but the film never follows up on this, nor does it use it as a precursor for what could come in any potential sequels. Similarly, it alludes to the homosexuality of another Shadow Hunter named Alec (Kevin Zegers), an intriguing plot turn that could mix up the usual love triangle romance we’ve become so accustomed to, but once it’s brought up, it’s quickly dropped and never resurfaces. It’s like the screenwriter, this movie being her first cinematic endeavor, had some good ideas (no doubt derived from the source material), but then forgot about them as she wrote on.

If there’s one thing “City of Bones” does well, it is its art direction. This is not a bad looking movie and, in particular, its costumes and make-up are nothing short of fantastic. The design of this fantasy world set amidst a modern day New York City is top notch, springing to life before our very eyes. Yet the movie itself is still a gigantic mess. Although darker and more action packed than many tween movies, it never compliments its admittedly palpable suspense with a satisfying payoff and a mid-movie Star Wars-esque pseudo-twist leads to some of the most awkward moments and dialogue exchanges one can imagine. “The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones” may hope to become a franchise (and with an already planned sequel in the pipeline, it could become a reality), but it’s going to have to try much harder than this to justify it.

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones receives 1/5

Friday
Feb012013

Warm Bodies

It wouldn’t be unreasonable for a cynic to look at Warm Bodies and fear that it will ruin zombies the way the Twilight franchise ruined vampires. Like Twilight, it takes a creature that should be scary and feared and turns it into a lover, trapped in a teen-friendly romance that is sure to be endeared by young girls across the country. Luckily, Warm Bodies is nothing like Twilight. It’s funny, self-aware and all around charming. It occasionally devolves into cheese and hits a few narrative lulls that drag the overall product down, but this is a solid film that takes a concept that really shouldn’t work at all and makes it palatable to a wide reaching audience.

Eight years ago, something happened. What that something was is unclear, but it caused the dead to rise and hunger for human flesh. Now, the humans still left alive have retreated into a confined part of their city, protected by a humongous wall. Of course, resources within that space are finite, so teams must venture out occasionally to gather more necessities. One day, a group of young kids, including Julie, (Teresa Palmer), the daughter of the city’s leader, go out to do just that. Unexpectedly, they are ambushed by the dead. However, one of the zombies actually takes a liking to her, probably due to his prior consumption of her boyfriend’s brain, which causes him to gather his memories and feelings, and he ends up protecting her from the zombie horde. For some reason, when he’s around her, he feels different and actually becomes more humanlike. Nevertheless, he still speaks in grunts with only the occasional monosyllabic word and he can’t remember his name, so Julie starts calling him R (Nicholas Hoult).

The film begins in R’s head with an inner monologue. He’s dead and his brain doesn’t quite function properly, as one would expect from a zombie, but he’s aware of this (just one of many contradictions that deviates from zombie lore). He can’t feel physical pain anymore, but he feels loneliness and lost, sometimes literally given that he tends to wander around unfamiliar places. His desire to be alive, to feel and to love is something we all feel from time to time, especially when our lives become a monotonous loop we seemingly can’t get away from. Not many movies have a set-up and structure that enable them to explore such themes, or at least not in this way, which makes Warm Bodies a unique offering. He may be a zombie, but R is one of the most likable and, oddly enough, relatable characters to be on the screen in quite some time.

Its themes don’t stop and start there, however. Other themes include some we’ve already seen, like the idea of humans living like we’re dead (which was better explored in Shaun of the Dead), and some that are a little too obvious to really work, like desegregation and acceptance in a world of people that are different than you, but the fact that these themes are there at all just goes to show how thoughtful the movie is. It doesn’t desire to be the mopey tween romance it so easily could have become. It shoots much higher. Granted, its central message of “love is what makes us human” is inherently cheesy (and it singlehandedly killed 2008’s Hancock), but Warm Bodies handles it as delicately as a similarly themed movie possibly can. When the end rolls around, you won’t be wiping away tears, but you also won’t be rolling your eyes. In fact, you’re likely to find it kind of sweet.

Although a cliché saying at this point, Warm Bodies is greater than the sum of its parts. If each part was analyzed individually, it would be easy to point out their flaws (like those aforementioned memories that aren’t seen in first person as they should be, but rather in third person, the way they were shot), yet there’s a gentleness and warmness to the film, despite some blood splatter and organ eating, that can’t be overlooked. It poses no threat to the dominance of the more brutal zombies we know and love, instead creating its own little nook in zombie lore that reinvigorates the walking dead in a way few have done before. It’s not your typical romance, but it’s the movie to see this Valentine’s Day. Men and women alike will find something to cherish.

Warm Bodies receives 3.5/5

Thursday
Nov152012

Breaking Dawn Part 2

When Twilight hit screens back in 2008, nobody was prepared for how successful it would be, the least of all its detractors who saw a silly pre-teen romantic triangle with ideas about love that would be equivalent to what a 12 year old girl would write in her journal. After four bad (arguably terrible) movies, including last year’s Breaking Dawn Part 1, which ended up at number three on my worst of the year list, saying expectations were low for its successor, Breaking Dawn Part 2, would be an understatement. As I watched it, though, something magical was happening. I was actually kind of liking it.

The other films in the franchise were full of annoying, overdramatic teenage angst, originating from a central character that spent too much time staring aimlessly out a window and moping around. Its ideas about love were childish, seemingly coming from people who thought they knew what love was, but had never truly experienced it. But Breaking Dawn Part 2 was different. Gone were the endless brooding and unbearable whininess. The film was still about love, but it wasn’t about a fantasy romantic love. It was about family love, parental love and the type of love that gives you the courage to fight and maybe even lay down your life for those you care about. With an everlasting marital bond between Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) finally coming to fruition and a child in the mix, the movie had substance and proved itself to be a thematically mature film, something that most certainly can’t be said for its predecessors.

At long last, the Twilight franchise had found its place. Its tone even managed to get it right. Despite some hit and miss dramatic moments, it took itself decidedly less serious, playing up certain scenes as goofy, fun and humorous. It was finally embracing its own absurdity. Even better, things were actually happening. It wasn’t stuck in this will-she-or-won’t-she stalemate its franchise brethren succumbed to. Bella had a clear goal, finally something on her mind other than cuddling with Edward, and she was going to do everything she could to stop the evil Volturi vampires from killing her baby. This meant gathering up any vampire that would be willing to fight alongside her and Edward. Locations changed, characters were introduced and meaning was created. By the time the big climactic battle rolled around, I was hooked and the fight itself, though bogged down by some bad CGI, was exciting and tense. With only 10 or 15 minutes left to go, Breaking Dawn Part 2 was looking to be a legitimately good, wholly recommendable movie.

And then that twist happens, that twist that fans have been speculating over ever since Jacob himself, Taylor Lautner, spilled the beans on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno a few weeks ago. The twist, which I obviously won’t spoil, falls into one of the most hated narrative tricks in all of cinema. It’s a twist that takes everything that had previously happened in the movie and makes it moot, the film’s entire reason for being flies out the window. Here was a movie that had managed to take a franchise that had been practically dead in the water since the beginning and reinvigorate it. It was giving it an unexpectedly worthy send-off that it, after four poor installments in a row, didn’t even necessarily deserve, but then it tacks on one of the worst, most pandering endings to cap off a major franchise I’ve ever seen.

All of a sudden, that legitimately good, wholly recommendable movie transitioned to borderline terrible. I could have done without the embarrassing final scene, which is essentially the equivalent of a music video montage of the previous movies, but such thankful fan service wouldn’t have been enough to derail it. Instead, it all goes back to that twist. Despite some narrative blunders and some unintentional laughs, Breaking Dawn Part 2 was working. For the first time ever, this franchise was earning its fanbase. It was so close to being good, so close to recovering, even if only slightly, from its past failures, but it let that possibility slip through its fingers. Thinking back on it, it was a disappointment, to be sure, but I suppose such a moronic misstep shouldn’t have been a big surprise. It was a Twilight movie, after all.

Breaking Dawn Part 2 receives 1.5/5

Friday
Sep282012

Hotel Transylvania

Hotel Transylvania may pretend to be something other than an Adam Sandler movie, but make no mistake, it is an Adam Sandler movie from beginning to end. It stars all of his usual movie pals and has the same obnoxious toilet humor he always seems so drawn to. If you haven’t liked his other recent films, there’s really no reason you’ll enjoy this, but I’ll give it one thing. At least it doesn’t hide under the guise of adulthood. The immature humor and forced messages are still here, but at least they fit the targeted audience. Aimed largely at children, the film stresses the importance of accepting others regardless of their differences and if lowest common denominator humor is the only way to get that point across to the little ones, then I guess it succeeds.

Dracula (Adam Sandler) is an overprotective father. His daughter, Mavis (Selena Gomez), wants nothing more than to see the world, but he insists leaving will only bring her harm because the humans she’ll run into are evil. To protect her, he has built a giant mansion (that doubles as a hotel) far away from humankind and protected on all sides by haunted forests, zombie graveyards and more. Only monsters, ghouls and goblins can get in and boy, do they. Mavis is about to turn 118 and monsters from all over flood in to celebrate. There’s Frankenstein (Kevin James), Wayne the werewolf (Steve Buscemi), his wife Wanda (Molly Shannon), Griffin the Invisible Man (David Spade), Quasimodo (Jon Lovitz) and many more. However, a human named Jonathan (Andy Samberg) has somehow infiltrated Dracula’s hotel. His presence threatens to ruin both his daughter’s party and the hotel’s patronage, given that he promised security from those awful human beings.

If Adam Sandler’s movies could be judged solely by how few poop and fart jokes they contain, then Hotel Transylvania would be his best in quite some time. It has, I don’t know, probably less than ten (and at least four in the first ten minutes) in the entire movie, which may be some sort of record for the man who is seemingly obsessed with all kinds of bodily fluids and secretions. Luckily, the movie has more merits than its reduction of poop jokes (in comparison). It may have a simple premise like many of Sandler’s other movies, but the idea of bringing classic monster movie creatures together into one building allows for more creativity than the one-joke idea of slapping a wig and some make-up on Sandler and trying to pass him off as his own sister.

Hotel Transylvania, though hardly visionary, at least manages to make good with its source material, in particular evoking memories of “fire bad” from the Frankenstein monster (which is more a reference to a Frankenstein spoof on Saturday Night Live than the actual Frankenstein movies themselves) and having fun with the whole idea of the Invisible Man, like the question on everybody’s mind: if you put your hand in the Invisible Man’s mouth, would it disappear? Further fun includes pantsing the Invisible Man, which exposes his invisible genitals, and a Twilight reference (“Is this how we’re represented?” asks Dracula) that’s bound to make the more cultured movie fans chuckle.

But aside from those humorous moments that spoof classic monster movies, there isn’t much here for adults. Hotel Transylvania is a kids movie through and through. It’s one of the more tolerable ones, mind you, and it teaches a valuable lesson that is too often ignored in a world full of hate: none of us are monsters and we all deserve love and respect. You could do a whole lot worse this weekend than taking your kid to see it, but despite its good intentions, it feels too much like mild spoof when it should be intelligent parody to be recommendable.

Hotel Transylvania receives 2/5

Friday
Jul272012

Step Up Revolution

Critics often decry awards shows like the MTV Movie Awards and the People’s Choice Awards because experts don’t pick them. The people do and they tend to confuse their personal preference with actual quality. Many nominees, and therefore winners, skew towards films that are popular, but not necessarily good. The Twilight franchise’s sweep of the MTV Movie Awards over the last few years is a good indication of this problem. Some would argue that critics are simply acting self-righteous, as if they have the final say on what’s good and what isn’t, but when the movie going public has supported the Step Up franchise enough to extend it to four movies, can we really consider their opinions valid? The latest installment, Step Up Revolution, is more or less on equal ground as its predecessor, Step Up 3D, but that was so bad, it easily nabbed a spot on my list of the worst films of 2010, so that should put into perspective just how bad this thing is.

The loose story (“loose” in the sense that I’m not even sure it qualifies as one) follows a ragtag group of dancers, nicknamed the Mob, as they flash mob various parts of Miami and record it in the hopes of reaching ten million channel hits on YouTube before anyone else, which would net them all $100,000. They quickly realize that money isn’t everything, though, when a business mogul strikes a deal to begin a billion dollar development project down a destitute strip in Miami that just so happens to be where the Mob lives. Their dance routines quickly transition from performance art to protest art and with the help of Emily (Kathryn McCormick), the dance loving daughter of the evil business mogul, they aim to claim their streets.

And everyone knows the only way to spark change in the world is through the power of dance. Never mind the fact that the Mob is holding up traffic, illegally infiltrating businesses, interrupting private parties and press conferences and all around disturbing the peace. These kids need to express themselves. It’s best not to ask how they’re able to do all this without someone noticing, especially given that many of these places are well stocked on guards, or how they know the layout of these places, including the exact arrangement of their interiors, well enough to choreograph their moves on and around them. Logic is not this series’ strong suit.

There’s a moment in the movie when mob leader Sean (Ryan Guzman), the love interest of Emily, speaks about why he dances. He says it’s because he feels invisible to the city. He wants to speak up and say, “Look at me world. I’m here.” Then he turns to Emily and asks if that sounds lame. The easy answer is yes, not to mention pathetic and whiny. But in a movie that prominently features the long since clichéd plot of stopping an evil businessman from pushing people out of their shops and homes to build on them, what should we expect?

Step Up Revolution isn’t about all that. It’s just a thin plot device to make an excuse to have a great deal of dance numbers, most of which are no more interesting than your generic shoot-out in an action movie. You can throw dance moves in front of me all you want, but doing so isn’t enough to make your movie fun. Similar to Step Up 3D, which delighted for a few minutes at least with a snazzy Fred Astaire-esque dance number, this movie has brief moments of entertainment, mainly in the backend of the film. One clever moment comes with the use of trampolines as one dancer falls screaming off of a shipping container only to bounce back up, seemingly defying gravity to the spectators looking on (again, it’s better not to ask how they managed to build a trampoline into the roof of the shipping container itself—just go with it), but this is only a small positive in a movie washed with horrible acting (also like the last film, the actors were chosen on their dancing skills rather than their ability to emote), a harebrained story, forced conflict and a far too neat and speedy resolution. To make matters worse, the movie completely contradicts itself at the end. The story stresses the importance of expressing yourself and sparking change in people; money’s importance is depreciated. But when the Mob is offered a deal with Nike, they jump at the chance to throw away their values (“Where do I sign?” one dancer responds—just another example in a long line of hackneyed dialogue).

I could probably double the length of what I’ve already written if I desired to point out every little flaw in the entire movie—there are dozens more I could go in depth on—but that’s a frivolous endeavor. People know what they’re getting themselves into when they go see a Step Up movie, but let’s remember this. Personal preference does not equate to actual quality. Regardless of whether or not people like it, Step Up Revolution is a bad movie.

Step Up Revolution receives 0.5/5